


but why is this fear in between the happiness (tell me what to do, tell me what to do)

by vivahate



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Black Paladin Lance (Voltron), Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, loving supportive bfs, there's a little bit of angst but it's delt w pretty quickly tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 21:40:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13420191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivahate/pseuds/vivahate
Summary: Lance is still not used to his dreams actually coming true. He used to think he’d feel on top of the world if one day he got to pilot Black, but now that it’s happened, the feeling dims to a mere flicker next to the warmth that spreads inside his chest every time he’s reminded that Keith chose him. That Keith wants him back.





	but why is this fear in between the happiness (tell me what to do, tell me what to do)

“I knew you’d be here.” Keith voice comes from the doorway to the observatory, effectively snapping Lance out of his thoughts and making him turn his head towards the entrance. Keith shoots him a small smile, “Feeling nervous?”

 

He can hear the concern there, underneath the casual tone Keith’s aiming for, and it makes Lance feel even worse. Keith had made it back from his solo mission far too late to join them for dinner, but just in time to catch Lance in the hallway on his way to his sleeping quarters, and Lance had not had it in him to exchange more than a few words with the boy. He could lie to Keith now, make up something trivial for now – there’s no point in stressing him out before the mission tomorrow. But – no. He can’t do that. He can’t lie to Keith. He doesn’t deserve that.

 

“Yeah, kind of.” Lance says eventually, shifting a bit to the side to make room for Keith on the blanket he has spread out on the ground. And when Keith makes himself comfortable beside him, Lance turns to him, his face questioning. “How could you tell?”

 

Keith makes a thoughtful noise in response.

 

“When you were saying goodnight, I guess. You don’t talk to me like that. So distracted. I could tell something was bothering you.” Keith says and Lance feels his face grow hot at the comment. “Plus this is the first free evening we’ve had in ages, and there’s no way you wouldn’t have at least offered to spend some time together or with the rest of the team if you weren’t trying to hide something. I’ve known you for how long now? You really can’t fool me, Lance.” Keith says smugly, punctuating his statement with a poke to Lance’s chest, right above his heart.

 

Lance looks down at Keith’s finger then back up at Keith and all but melts, a besotted smile breaking across his face. He leans in to nuzzle against Keith’s shoulder for just a moment, sighing in contentment when Keith takes his hand and squeezes comfortingly.

 

“You’re right.” Lance admits at last, sighing as some of the previous tension seeps out of his body. “I might be… a bit nervous about tomorrow.”

 

“No joking, you’re shaking.” Keith says, running a thumb along the back of Lance’s hand where it’s cradled protectively in between his own, the gesture simultaneously soothing and grounding. Lance is momentarily distracted from his worries by the careful manner with which Keith is holding his hand, like it’s something incredibly precious, something _to cherish_. If Lance weren’t feeling so out of sorts right now, the gesture alone would’ve been enough to make him stop thinking all together, but as it is, he does feel like a nervous wreck, and Keith’s touch is not enough to make him forget his predicament.

 

“This isn’t even going to be your first mission as the black paladin, you know.” Keith goes on, his grip on Lance’s hand not wavering for even a second. He’s referring to the incident of the previous week, Lance realizes and shudders involuntarily at the memory. With the revealing of Shiro’s clone from one side and Lotor’s treason from the other, it was a terrifyingly close call. Keith’s grief-stricken face from that day is something he’ll never be able to erase from his memory. “Had it not been for you we’d all been doomed. You really shouldn’t worry so much. You’ve got this.”

 

Lance shakes his head, as if the motion alone will be enough to chase the memories from his head. He frees his hand from Keith’s hold to run both hands through his hair. A nervous gesture.

 

“I was just acting on impulse, then. All I could think about at the time was how I was ready to do anything to protect you all. That’s when I felt Black call to me.” He says, distress and anxiety evident in his voice. Isn’t there a saying about this? About how fear can make people accomplish greater things than they’re actually capable of doing. “But when leading us into an actual battle, I can’t stand to be the reason something bad happens to any of you.”

 

Keith frowns, stubborn as ever and turns a little to be able to see Lance’s face. “And that’s exactly why you’ll do great! You would never endanger the team if you could help it, Lance. We all believe in you and the decisions you make. You’ve got to believe in yourself too.”

 

Lance shrugs, still refusing to look at Keith, or to loosen his grip on his own hair. He knows how it must look from the side but he truly feels that if he were to let go now, he might lose the single thing that’s providing him some sense of stability at the moment. He doesn’t want to face Keith when he’s like this.

 

If there’s one thing Lance’s good at, it’s delaying panic until he can deal with it at a later time. Hopefully sometime when he’s alone and when the fate of their team doesn’t depend on him and -

 

“Lance look at me, please.” A gentle voice coaxes him to open his eyes, at the same time as warm hands cup his face, and Lance feels as if the breath has been knocked out of him all at once at the affectionate look on Keith’s face. “You’re the bravest and most compassionate person I know. No one – and I mean it – no one is more cut out to be our leader than you. That’s how it should’ve been from the very beginning. Black chose you for a reason. And it’s because you have it in you to be the kind of leader we need.”

 

Keith’s still looking at him as he says it, his eyes so tender that Lance can no longer look at him, squeezing his own eyes shut, a helpless rush of vulnerability washing through every inch of his being.

 

How does Keith just _do_ this? How does he know just what to say and how to read Lance?

 

And what’s even more surprising is how easily Lance lets him. He’s always been a bit of a hopeless romantic – always dreaming about the kind of intimacy people share in romantic relationships, but he’s never imagined it’d ever feel like this. He’s never let anyone in like this before and he’s never even considered it.

 

But there goes Keith, he supposes, bursting through all of his doors one by one.

 

Lance’s still not looking at Keith though as he asks quietly, “You think Black would have chosen me under normal circumstances too?”

 

Lance doesn’t look up but he imagines Keith must be pouting at him in a manner he usually does when someone asks a question the answer to which is glaringly obvious. The thought alone is enough to make his mood improve just a little.

 

“’The black lion wouldn’t choose anybody she didn’t feel was worthy to lead Voltron’.” Keith says and Lance realizes the full intention behind the mischievousness in Keith’s voice a bit too late. “Didn’t _you_ tell me this when Shiro was gone and I had to pilot Black? We weren’t “under normal circumstances” then either. Were you just saying that to make me feel better?”

 

That, finally, makes Lance look up at him with a near horrified look on his face.

 

“I would _never_ – “ Lance starts, protest ready on his tongue before seeing Keith’s knowing smile coupled with the pointed look aimed his way. He deflates, huffing, unable to keep his own lips from tugging upwards. “Jerk. Alright, I … see your point.”

 

Keith smiles at him, pleased.

 

“That’s all I want, really.” Keith says, relief evident in his voice as he leans in to entwine their fingers together. “Leave some of the worrying to the rest of us too, won’t you? We’re a team. We’ve got your back.” He hesitates for a brief moment, before tugging on their joined hands to get Lance to look at him. When he does, Keith says. “ _I’ve_ got your back. Always. You know that, right?”

 

Lance takes a deep breath, finally feeling like himself again, and at the moment he realizes, all he wants to do is wrap Keith up in his arms and stay with him in this room surrounded by stars _forever_ , but he needs to actually find his words so that him and Keith are on the same page again.

 

“I know. Thank you, Keith. _So_ much.” Lance says earnestly, and he can’t quite keep his voice steady. He leans over to press a sweet kiss to Keith’s cheek and rests his forehead against Keith’s temple. “I can’t believe I worked myself up so much over this.” Lance says, letting out a slight huff of agitation. “You must think I’m selfish. We’re in the midst of a war and here I am psyching myself up for things that haven’t even happened yet.”

 

“Selfish? You?” Keith barks out an incredulous laugh. “If anything, you could stand to be a little bit more selfish, Lance.”

 

And well. What’s Lance even supposed to say to that. He wonders how many times it is possible for this boy to keep surprising him. But does Lance hope the surprises never end.

 

“When did you get so good at comforting, huh?” Lance asks teasingly, Keith’s words from long ago subconsciously echoing faintly in his head, and not failing to make his stomach swoop with giddiness even now. _Leave the math to Pidge_ , he’d said. What a dork.

 

He shakes his head slightly, bringing his attention back to the present so that he catches Keith’s answer.

 

“It kind of comes with the new job.” Keith tells him seriously, fingers playing idly with the sleeve of Lance’s jacket.

 

Lance blinks, caught off guard.

 

“…As my right hand man?” he asks, unsure.

 

Keith laughs again. “As your _boyfriend_ , dummy.”

 

And that’s it. Those words are more than enough to bring each and every thought in Lance’s mind to an abrupt, final halt. He doesn’t even know what he’s more affected by. The fact that this is the very first time Keith’s referred to himself as Lance’s boyfriend in the six days that they’ve officially been a couple and he’s done it so endearingly and casually that Lance can hardly _cope_ with it. Or the fact that apparently there must be two categories of jobs in Keith’s head: Old Job: Paladin of Voltron and New Job: Lance’s boyfriend.

 

“Please go out with me.” Lance blurts out and he curses inwardly as his sudden statement startles a gasp of surprise out of Keith. He hurries to explain, before he chickens out. “I mean on a proper date. Once this is all over or – I don’t know, once we have some semblance of peace again – will you go on a date with me? I’ll make it the best day of your life, I promise!”

 

“You’re – yeah you’re feeling better.” Keith says quietly but Lance can hear the way the words catch just slightly in Keith’s throat, as if he wants this just as much as Lance does, but is nervous in equal measure too.

 

“You bet I am! So what do you say?” There’s unbridled excitement and hope in his words, that Lance does nothing to hide, and a thumb rubbing gently against Keith’s wrist, a slow line against his skin. “A perfect date. Somewhere quiet. Just you and me.”

 

He lets Keith take his time, knowing that like Lance he too must still be having a hard time believing that this is real. That he’s allowed to have this.

 

Lance is still not used to his dreams actually coming true. He used to think he’d feel on top of the world if one day he got to pilot Black, but now that it’s happened, the feeling dims to a mere flicker next to the warmth that spreads inside his chest every time he’s reminded that Keith chose him. That Keith wants him back.

 

Keith carefully takes a breath, no doubt trying to mask the initially overwhelmed expression on his face. His voice is soft when he speaks. “You’ve really set your mind on this already, haven’t you?”

 

“Well, you know. You’re the one who said I’m allowed to be selfish.” Lance tells him, grinning wolfishly. “And I’ve just decided that I’m _very_ greedy when it comes to you.”

 

Lance’s smirk only grows bigger as he watches Keith’s eyes widen in surprise and a dark blush spread over his cheeks, well up to the tips of his ears. Lance has always enjoyed doing things that would get him a reaction out of Keith. Be it offhand remarks about his skills to get a rise of his competitive side, or well-meaning jabs at his gloomy demeanor in hopes of prompting him to lighten up a little. None of it, Lance realizes, comes even remotely close to how he feels seeing Keith come apart because of Lance’s loving playfulness.

 

He doesn’t get to enjoy the moment long enough, though, as suddenly Keith groans, doubling over as if in pain. The charming smile is wiped off Lance’s face immediately as he sits up in alarm, hands reaching for Keith, but stopping at the last moment to hover cautiously over the other boy’s hunched shoulders, so as not to unwittingly cause more harm.

 

“Keith?! What’s wrong?”

 

The words are hardly out of Lance’s mouth before Keith straightens back up with a far too somber expression on his face and reaches forward, taking Lance’s hand and placing it over his own chest. Lance, too surprised to do anything, inwardly braces himself for the worst as Keith opens his mouth and - “Look how hard you’re making my heart beat! We haven’t even gone on that date yet! What am I gonna do with you really?!”

 

Lance gapes at the impossible boy for good twenty seconds, before bursting into peals of uncontrollable laughter. This is … unbelievable. He does try to control his sniggering by covering his mouth with a hand, but it all goes in vain the moment he catches sight of Keith’s confused face. To think that at one point in time he used to think of Keith as cold and unemotional. Lance is so, _so_ glad those days are far behind them.

 

“Are you…laughing at me?” Keith asks carefully. There is a furrow between his eyebrows that makes Lance want to reach out and smooth it away with his touch and make sure that Keith never has a reason to sport any semblance of such a troubled expression on his face ever again.

 

Yeah. If he was a romantic before, dating Keith is positively going to turn him into a sap.

 

“I’m not! I mean - I promise I’m not laughing _at_ you. Just.” Lance groans helplessly, annoyed at himself for not being able to properly articulate what he’s thinking. Suddenly feeling that it’s important he be touching Keith, he takes both of Keith’s hands in his, pressing them against his own chest, copying what Keith did mere minutes ago, as he blubbers on, “I just wanted to say - God, you’re really kind of perfect, you know? I don’t know what I did to get so lucky.”

 

Keith just stares at him. For a beat, two beats, before his face softens into a far too tender look that makes Lance’s breath hitch in his throat.

 

“But you’ve got this all wrong, Lance.” Keith tells him sincerely, hands curling slightly into Lance’s jacket. “I’m the lucky one here.”

**Author's Note:**

> keith is lance's stability too,, *ariana grande voice* it's equality!


End file.
